crush?….CRUSHED!!!!
well…wanna know why?..here’s my story..all of us pass through life and having a crush is just an enormous experience..I guess all of us went through it..some got out of it as a "whole" person and some are not..just like me I guess..a big part of my life was distorted..having a great crush on someone is a hardship I have to go through..it’s part of life, isn’t it??..well yeah..partly but the great mistake I did was to rely on that idea of having a crush on someone..my dilemma?..he doesn’t care a bit..that’s my perception..I don’t know about him..every time he tell a joke I am hurt..bad as it seems..I still hold to that feeling..why can’t I move??..damn my subconscious mind..even I try not to think of him so often he still haunts me..can’t I escape his memory?..everything is attributed to him..letting go is a hard thing to do..especially when a big part of me is at stake..okay my fault!!!..I am inconsistent most of the time..even to myself..I guess until now I am still in the denial stage..and I know why..I am afraid of getting hurt..in contrast to what I say to other people, that getting hurt is a part of life that we have to deal..am I selfish??..tell me because I am confused right at this moment..there are also times when I want to go home..for there are so many memories of him..my family, my friends and the people connected to him..I want to break free from that kind of feeling..being a womyn in this society that we live in is hard..because as a person that should conform with what the society dictates..and because of these sentiments..my heart is CRUSHED into pieces..I wish my effort to bring it back together is enough..enough to forget and go on with my own life..it’s hard but with the help of God and the persons around me I guess I’ll make it..I still have more time to wait for the right man assigned to me..
